Strive Notes

This is my third post in a series on how to write news releases that get coverage. If you want the editor to choose your story over the hundreds of others vying for space on the page, you must write it with clarity.

1. It helps to start with an outline to help organise the information before you start to write. Think about what your news actually means. Once you’ve got this figured out the rest of the release will flow more easily. So, “Company A announces the release of its New Product,” becomes “Mothers need never nag children to drink their milk again now that Company A has launched its new flavoured drinking straws to make each glass of milk a yummy treat that kids love.”
2. Use plain, commonly-used words whenever you can. Issue an announcement not an edict; the managing director said it, he didn’t articulate it; he greeted visitors he didn’t offer warm saluations.
3. Use specific words wherever possible. “They had dinner,” becomes “The royal party were served parma wrapped pheasant with peach melba for dessert.” “Service was affected by the weather,” now reads, “Due to gale force winds, many flights were delayed by up to three hours.” And, “She worked tirelessly,” is improved by saying, “Each week, Mrs Smith worked an average of 30 hours a week to raise funds for the charity in addition to holding down a demanding full time job.”
4. Be as direct as possible with the language you use. Not “…a number of people agreed,” but “…five people agreed.” Avoid using unknown quantities. He wasn’t fairly well versed in the subject, he was expert. They didn’t perform quite well, they met or exceeded 90 per cent of targets. Cut pompous phrases and political correctness. There wasn’t a poor public response; tickets didn’t sell. They weren’t under achievers; they failed. There wasn’t a supply chain challenge; they did not have the goods on hand. The bad weather did not have an adverse effect on sales; customers stayed away because of the rain.
5. Avoid putting more than one thought in a sentence. It’s the content of a sentence, not its length, that can cause confusion. “Record sales were announced by the managing director at the party marking the 90th birthday Mr. Smith, who had started out 50 years ago from his uncle’s garage with nothing more than a horse and cart and good idea.” A better way to express this would be: “The managing director announced that the company achieved record sales. He was speaking at 90th birthday celebration for company founder Mr Smith who 50 years ago started the company from his uncle’s garage. “in those days I all had was a horse and cart and a good idea,” explains Mr. Smith. “Now we are world leaders.”
6. Keep sentences short especially if you’re dealing with abstract or technical concepts. “Managed hosting puts the host in control with the benefits of reporting, monitoring, security, setup, system administration and software updates while co-location provides physical rack space with a network and basic infrastructure only.” This might be better expressed as “Managed hosting gives the host control over the server. The benefits are that you receive services like reporting, monitoring, security, setup, system administration and software updates. On the other hand, co-location allows you to buy physical rack space from a web hosting provider, along with a network and basic infrastructure. It allows you to manage and operate it from your own premises.”
7. Avoid usuing too many dependent clauses especially in the middle of a sentence. “The CEO flew in from London accompanied by the her UK legal counsel, with whom she held met to discuss the upcoming IPO, on the first stop of a round the world tour of the company’s manufacturing facilities.” Why not, “The CEO flew in from London on the first stop of a round the world tour of the company’s manufacturing facilities. She was accompanied by her UK legal counsel with whom she met to discuss the upcoming IPO.”
8. Try to keep introductory phreses and clauses short and simple. “As for his position as CEO of the newly-merged companies, Mr Smith will not make any announcements until after year end results are in.” is better than “Citing recent downward pressure on economic conditions, the precarious state of the cost of borrowing globally, predictions of escalation of the war in the Middle East, increased focus on global warming and recent news of the extinction of the river dolphin, Mr Smith said that he will not be making announcements until after the year end results are in.”
   

Other Strive Notes in the Writing News series:

• Specifics
• The Human Touch

Filed under: public relations