Strive Notes

Never in the field of human grammar has so much attention been paid to one apostrophe as in the storm of debate surrounding National Singles’ Day.

The question of where the apostrophe should go on the card to celebrate being single designed by one of the teams competing in UK’s The Apprentice led to a three-hour debate that was solved when team leader Michael Sophocles phoned The Daily Telegraph and then the British Library for an answer.

Viewers of The Apprentice could forgive Sophocles many things – his arrogance, his lying, his pretence at being a good Jewish boy, his attempts to wriggle out of blame by blaming others – but there was no greater illustration that he should never be crowned Sir Alan Sugar’s apprentice than the apostrophe moment.

It has prompted reams of cyber debate on the issue. Much of it written in the wee hours by people who arguably really should get a life, or one less obsessed by grammar.

Trouble is, I can see their point. A restaurant displaying its menus on boards with stray apostrophes would lose my custom to one that got it right. Which is sad, but true.

This is a world in which apostrophes waver uncertainly over the end of words like the writer is blind-folded and sticking the tail on the donkey: “I know it goes here somewhere, oh bugger it, stick it there, that’ll do”.

Apostrophes either replace a missing letter or denote possession, if it’s plural it goes after the ’s’. Simple really. No philosophical debate is necessary, certainly not one involving, er, Sophocles.

Had he been really clever he’d have inserted an ‘h’ to solve all arguments: National Shingles Day! It’s better than, say, an environmental awareness card at any rate …

Filed under: public relations